Are they really Blondes????

An blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" she replies, "This time it's mayonnaise."

A blonde enters a sex shop and asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall." She says "I'll take the red one." The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

A blonde was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!". "It's not just one car!" said the blonde, "There's fucking hundreds of them!"

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well" and turned around an drove home.

What do a moped and a blond have in common?
They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A vacant possession.

What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A padded dash.

What's the Blonde's cheer?
"I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
Bucket seats.

What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A blonde electrician.

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

Why was the blonde depressed when she received her driver's license?
Because she got an F in sex.

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face."

What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
An Air Bag.

What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought.

Why did they call the blonde "Twinkie"?
She was always being filled with cream.

Why is it so difficult for a blonde to get a driver's license?
They can't reach the pedals from the back seat.

What's the best way to murder a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of the swimming pool.

What do Marc Bolan and a blonde have in common?
Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in a handicapped zone.

There's this blonde out for a walk She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are, on the other side."

A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer."
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"
To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it. She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits?
The blonde, because she's 18.

Did you hear about the new paint called 'blonde' paint?
It's not very bright, but it spreads easily.

A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone.

Why can't blondes count to 70?
Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
B.J.

Why should you never take a blonde employee out for coffee?
It's too hard to re-train them.

What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.

What do blonde virgins eat?
Baby food.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you give the blonde who has everything?
Penicillin.

What's the mating call of the blonde?
1: "Next!"
2: "I'm sooo drunk!"

What is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
A prostitoad.

What is 68 to a blonde?
Where she goes down on you and you owe her one.

What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

What is foreplay for a blonde?
Thirty minutes of begging.

What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out. Then I realized I was too late.

A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.
She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his torch and says "Open wide".
"I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."

A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmacist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?"
"They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."

Another blonde sent a post card home:
"Having a wonderful time....Where am I?"

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"

Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.

Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals. She proudly said, "go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"

How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to iron, then we could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well, if you would learn to fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"

A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think - I'm blonde!"

A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
An Italian suppository.

What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third Grade.

What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.

What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
"Space. The final frontier..."

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
Her IQ goes up!

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.

How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.

How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
By the buckle print on her forehead.

How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.

What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
They're both stuck up c*nts!

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
They both have a black box.
Both have a cockpit.
Not everyone has been in a 747.

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.

What does a blonde say if you blow in her ear?
"Thanks for the refill!"

What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...

What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.

What do Blondes say after sex?
Thanks Guys.
Are you boys all in the same team?

What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
Two brunettes

Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
So she could lip read.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.

Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
They take off their makeup.

Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A blond doing cartwheels.

What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
Pick them up off the floor.

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.

What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
The Blonde!
The other guys waiting their turn.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them.
Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.

What is a blonde's chronic speech impediment?
She can't say "No".

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Data transfer.

Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
They can't keep their calves together!

What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?
HumpMe DumpMe.

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
Cause she blows the horn!

Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduce themselves.
Walks home.

How many blondes:
does it take to make a circuit? Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer.
does it take to change a light bulb? "What's a light bulb?"
does it take to change a light bulb? One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? Ten, one to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? Three, one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
does it take to screw in a light bulb? Blondes screw in back seats, not in light bulbs, silly.

Why are blondes:
like Australia? They're both down under, and no one cares.
like pianos? When they aren't upright, they're grand.
coffins Y-shaped? Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
so sexually promiscuous? Who cares.
hired by NASA? They're doing research on black holes.

Why don't blondes:
eat pickles? Because the jars have lids, not zippers.
like anal sex? They don't like their brains being screwed with.
water-ski? When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
have elevator jobs? They don't know the route.
guts fall out of her twat when she stands? Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.
make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
write the number ELEVEN? They don't know what ONE came first.
talk when having sex? Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
talk when having sex? Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.
double recipes? The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
make good pharmacists? They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
eat bananas? They can't find the zipper.
breast feed? Because they always burn their nipples.

How does a blonde:
prepare for safe sex? She puts on rubber based lipstick.
prepare for safe sex? Locks the car door.
kill a fish? She drowns it.
hold her liquor? By the ears.
moonwalk? She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
commit suicide? She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
part her hair? By doing the splits.
measure her IQ? With a tire gauge!
interpret 6.9? A 69 interrupted by a period.
car pool work? They all meet at work at 7:45.
turn on the lights after sex? Opens the car door.
answer the question "Are you sexually active?" "No, I just lie there."

What did the blonde:
right leg say to the left leg? Nothing - they've never met.
do when she got her period? Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'? No. But I've been swung around by the tits.
say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? Oh look! Donut seeds!
name her pet zebra? Spot.
say when she found out she was pregnant? Are you sure it's mine?
mum say to her before the blonde's date? If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room? I'm not going to suck anything that small.
do when she heard the British were coming? She stopped sucking.
say when she woke up under a cow? What are you guys still doing here?
say about blonde jokes? She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
say during a porno? There I am!
say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!

Why is a blonde like:
a hairdryer? Turn her on and she starts to blow.
a vacuum Cleaner? Turn her on and she starts to suck.
a light switch? Even a six year old can turn her on.
railroad tracks? Cause she's been laid all over the country.
cornflakes? Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
a turtle? They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
a door knob? Cause everybody gets a turn.
peanut-butter? They spread for the bread.

What's the difference between:
a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
a blonde and an ironing board? It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
a blonde and a walrus? One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.
a blonde and a broom closet? Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
a blonde and a phone booth? You need a quarter to use the phone.
a blonde and a phone booth? Only one person can use the phone at once.
a blonde and a and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop.
a blonde and a light bulb? The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
a blonde and a bitch? A blonde will fuck anyone, a bitch will fuck anyone but you.
a blonde and a shopping cart? The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? One's a phony buck.
a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o? Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
a blonde and a guy? The blonde has the higher sperm count.
a blonde and the Panama Canal? The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde? He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.
a blonde and a trampoline? You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
Indiana and a blonde? A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
a blonde and a toothbrush? You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
a blonde and a shower? A shower has to be turned on to get wet.
a blonde and your job? Your job still sucks after 6 months.
a blond and a toilet? A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
a blonde and a rooster? In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
a blonde and a limousine? Not everybody has been in a limo.
a blonde and a bowling ball? You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
a blonde and a bowling ball? There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
a blonde and a bowling ball? You don't eat your bowling ball.
a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
a blonde and a Porsche? You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
butter and a blonde? Butter is difficult to spread.
a blonde and The Titanic? They know how many men went down on The Titanic.
a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been spotted.
a blonde and an inflatable doll? About 2 cans of hair spray.
a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been spotted.
a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies? One's a bunch a cunning runts.

Why do blondes:
wear earmuffs? To avoid the draft.
get confused in the ladies room? They have to pull their own pants down.
wear panties? To keep their ankles warm.
work seven days a week? So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
hate M&Ms? They're too hard to peel.
have vaginas? So guys will talk to them at parties.
find it difficult to marry? Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!
wear tight skirts? To keep their legs together.
have see-through lunch box lids? So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
have see-through lunch box lids? So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
like lightning? They think someone is taking their picture.
always drink with straws? Practice.
have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? Finger on chin-"I don't know". Hits forehead-"Oh I get it!"
have little holes all over their faces? From eating with forks.
have more fun? They are easier to keep amused.
have two more brain cells than a cow? So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
have two more brain cells than a cow? So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
drive BMWs? Because they can spell it.
drive VW's? Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
have square boobs? Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is. But why do brunettes take the pill? Wishful Thinking.
drive cars with sunroofs? More leg room.
have orgasms? So they know when to stop having sex!
wear underwear? They make good ankle warmers.
wear green lipstick? Because red means stop.
wear hoop earrings? They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
wash their hair in the sink? Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
have fur on the hem of her dresses? To keep their ankles warm.
only change their baby's diapers every month? Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
insist on him wearing a condom? So they can have a doggie bag for later.
throw breadcrumbs down the toilet? To feed the toilet duck.
like tilt steering wheels? More head room!
do after they comb their hair? They pull up their pants.
use tampons with extra long strings? So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
stand under light bulbs. It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea.

Why did the blonde:
call the welfare office? She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
wear condoms on her ears? So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
finally pass her driving test? She took the examiner with her.
fail her driving test? She wasn't used to the front seat.
try and steal a police car? She saw 911 on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
keep ice cubes in the freezer? So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? The noise gave her a headache.
have blisters on her lips? From trying to blow out light bulbs.
bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
resolve to have only three children? Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.
climb up to the roof of the bar? She heard that the drinks were on the house.
keep failing her driver's test? Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
keep a coat hanger in her back seat? In case she locks the keys in her car.
tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
have tire tread marks on her back? From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
tattoo her zip code on her stomach? So her male would get delivered to the right box.
stop using the pill? Because it kept falling out.
scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

What do you call:
a blonde on a waterbed? Cherry Float.
a blonde touching her toes? A brunette with bad breath.
a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? Last years hide and go seek winner.
a blonde lesbian? A waste.
15 blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.
a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A visitor.
a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? All you can eat, under a buck.
a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter.
a blond with a bag of sugar on her head? Sweet Fuck All...
a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader.
a blonde in a tree with a brief case? Branch Manager.
a smart blond? A golden retriever.
a smart blond? An indicator of a really bad hangover.
two nuns and a blonde? Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
a zit on a blonde's ass? A brain tumour.
it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.
a blonde with a runny nose? Full.
10 blondes at the bottom of the pool? Air pockets.
a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block.
10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle? Rebel without a clue.

How do you:
get a blondes eyes to twinkle? Shine a torch in her ears.
find a blonde in long grass? Pleasing!
brainwash a blonde? Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
change a blonde's mind? Blow in her ear.
change a blonde's mind? Buy her another beer.
keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
get a blonde pregnant? Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she's pregnant.
get a blonde off her knees? Come.
know a blond likes you? She screws you two nights in a row.
know a blonde has just lost her virginity? Her crayons are still sticky.
get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.
tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? She drops her nail-file!
tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? Who cares?
tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? She says, "Next."
tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
plant dope? Bury a blonde.
kill a blonde? Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
drown a blond? Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
drown a blond? Don't tell her not to swallow.
describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? Flattered.
make a blond laugh on Monday mornings? Tell her a joke on Friday night!
describe the perfect blonde? 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
confuse a blonde? You don't. They're born that way.
keep a blonde busy? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
tell if a blonde had a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
tell if a blonde has a vibrator? By the chipped tooth.

Did you hear about the blonde who:
had more on her body than on her mind?
took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?Was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
as trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds.
she tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
tried to blow up her husband's car? She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
tried skydiving? She missed the Earth!
had two chances to get pregnant? She blew it both times!
shot an arrow into the air? She missed.
was a lesbian? She kept having affairs with men!
thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here.
who was found frozen to death in her car at a drive-in movie theatre? She went to see "Closed for the Winter".
thought a quarterback was a refund.
put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
studied for a blood test.
sold the car for gas money.
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam.